Who took the cardboard out of my Domino’s?

by Danny Altman

Some things you don’t mess with. Don’t take the growth hormone out of my milk. I’m short enough as it is. Don’t stick an electric outlet on my car. I like the smell of fresh gasoline. Don’t give me cheese on a knife. I like it straight out of the can. And for god’s sake, don’t start playing with my cardboard pizza because I might have to start spending more money on beer.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for honesty. So when Domino’s falls on the sword on national TV, with real consumers saying things like  “Domino’s is the worst excuse for pizza I’ve ever had,” I’m guessing the CEO’s kids finally got to him. You can just hear their friends saying hurtful things like, “Is your dad the guy that makes that terrible pizza?”

So now you can kiss the “boring, artificial imitation of a pizza” that you love goodbye. Because Domino’s has been watching the Food Network and all of a sudden the entire company has got religion. The story of their conversion even has its own tent revival website.

So the fact that Domino’s suddenly discovered green matter like oregano and basil, and that they worked nights and weekends to perfect the recipe, just doesn’t impress me at all.  The next thing you know the Domino’s delivery guy is going to show up in a bow tie singing Italian opera. What will that do to their slacker brand image?

Here’s the deal. People just don’t want to be confused. This is my remote. This is my gun.

I’m sorry. I’m with @Shorashen, who says, “I hate to say it, but I actually prefer the old recipe better.” Sometimes not messing with mediocrity is the safest road to take. And what’s this I hear about real cheese?