Every naming related picture I took in the second half of 2018

This is my second post cataloging all of the names I’ve taken pictures of in my life as a professional namer. Every time I run into a name that grabs my attention, I take a picture. Excuse the occasional blur or reflection. I was likely making someone (probably Allie) wait while I doubled-back to grab a quick photo. Below each name you’ll find my initial impression. Things are about to get weird.

At the Whitney Museum in New York there was a gallery wall filled with these gilded plaques featuring the names of various terrorist organizations. The piece is called “Divine Violence” by artist Daniel Joseph Martinez. Machete Wielders felt haphazard in an interesting way.

One of my favorite things about traveling outside the U.S. is seeing all the brand appropriation people get away with. If you tried to do this in the states you’d have a letter from a big law firm on your desk by the end of the week.

Pizza School is a fun name. I like how they play into it with the schoolhouse iconography. It also happens to be an excuse for terrible pizza – “We’re still learning!”

J. Crew getting pretty aggressive with some in-store signage. I wonder where in their brand book you’ll find 8.5×11 Calibri printouts that refer to final sale as “Kill Price”?

Nice name. Nice type. Just feels sturdy and classic in a way befitting of beer ingredients.

Likely a multi-tiered lost in translation situation. Behold the oddities of Basar Wang.

Anybody looking for their rapper name? Saint Boi is available…

Love the bold color but the name is basically saying that this is only flour you’d use in an emergency.

Anyone looking to just leave this life behind and start anew as a suburban vintner named Leonard Cupertino? No? Ok, maybe it’s just me then.

I love the juxtaposition of “Protocol, when life just can’t wait” and the trio of products on offer: Ice Drops, Acqua Di Gio (my high school favorite) and XStreme [sic] Sour Drops. Condoms would make sense here but these three things? It can wait my friend.

C’mon, are you serious? Puppy Frogurt-licious? Setting aside the fact that it’s frozen yogurt for dogs, maybe come up with a few ideas before settling on something this terrible.

Get your magic mud away from my mouth. K Thx Byeee.

OxyKids? Get them hooked early I guess…

I‘ve always liked this name for a candy. It’s fun to say and the proximity to “haiku” doesn’t hurt either.

We heard you the first time. If your sub-brand is your brand, what’s the point?

Do these guys smoke weed or what? Great lifestyle synergy with their chip company, clearly.

Nothing against Ripple but the phrase “nutritious pea milk” just doesn’t sound right.

Something really subtle here: What’s the Major’s name? Is it Dickason or Dickasons? People love pointing out the utility of commas–what about apostrophes? Maybe the Major just doesn’t want to take any ownership over the decaf.

I see what you did there. I approve.

Bank or Trans rights org? You decide.

What is fixation referring to here? Is the potential buyer fixated on their underwear being seamless? Or are they looking to this product to provide some sort of fixative effect?

“Dressing” is just so pretentious, isn’t it?

Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara. Damn. There’s a lot to unpack here. Too Faced is an odd name for a beauty company. It implies that you’re already using too much makeup. I’m not sure how a mascara would go about being better than sex, but then again, this product isn’t aimed at me. I guess the polite thing to do is just feel sorry for the people for whom that’s the case?

Aren’t they all naked? There isn’t just one naked bee, so I guess it should be The Naked Bees? Nope. That sounds weird too.

I’ll pass on the plain barfi, thank you very much.

I can’t recall ever seeing the Heinz brand be playful. I like it. They should have fun more often.

Simple question: what is the name of this product? Is it Original Whipped Topping? That’s not true because I’m fairly confident whipped cream predates this lab concoction. Is it ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED Original Whipped Topping ULTRA-PASTEURIZED MADE WITH REAL CREAM? I guess it is.

A tale of two brands. On the left we have the descriptive, and on the right we have Bling-Bling-Cha-Ching. The one you pick up tells marketers everything they need to know.

Everyone is trying to add some tech to what they’re making. We have smart phones, smart sensors, and smart cities. Cuisinart doesn’t want to be left out. That’s how an immersion blender comes to be known as a Smart Stick. Quick, register that trademark so no one follows suit.

Are you sure they’re eXtreme? Are you sure they aren’t just markers?

Of all the names in this round up, this one probably intrigued me the most. You go through undergrad, medical school, residency, and then you open up your dermatology practice and call it ICEREAMWALA. After some research it appears to be an Indian surname – a very cool one at that. And while many doctors name their practices after themselves, some might want to pause and have a think on it.

Phew. You made it to the end. I, for one, am proud of you. If you’re looking for help naming your company or product, check out Don’t Call It That – the naming workbook that takes you from zero to a cool brand in about 150 pages.